hannah

my thoughts on life and chips

Latest posts from ChipsChipsChips

• How Spirograph brought me back to myself

  Jan 01 ⎯ I am sitting on the floor in the sitting room of my childhood home, hands pressed into the old wooden floorboards, surrounded by a ceiling and walls and windowframes that have stood over 100 years. It’s the early 2000s and I am completely oblivious to the history of all that surrounds me, all that these walls must have seen across a century, fully absorbed in the TV screen which is set to Nickelodeon. Most likely I am watching Spongebob Squarepants, setting my parents’ teeth on edge as his high-pitched, incessant laugh reverberates through the house. Or perhaps I’m watching Kenan & Kel, rolling around with laughter of my own and imagining the taste of a good, cold orange soda. Or maybe it was Sister, Sister or even The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, or any number of shows I might have been squeezing in before the time for Nickelodeon ran out and the channel switched over to Comedy Central at 6 or 7pm. But this is less about what show was on at the time than what was being shown in between. These TV stations were probably less about the entertainment they could provide to kids in between homework and bedtime and more about the toys that could be sold to them during the advertisements. Blo-pens for artistic expression and Beyblades for the thrill of the battle and Baby Wee-Wees designed to condition young girls to assume their ultimate roles as mothers all stand out in my memory, as do magazines with collectible items that can be bought every month (the ones about Ancient Egyptians always drew my interest the most). But none stand out as much as the ad for the Spirograph. It seemed always in these advertisements that the children, decked out in colourful clothing and dungarees with hair in pigtails and open, excited faces, were having the most fun that any child could have. Usually seated around a big table in an otherwise inexplicably bare, white room, they demonstrated all of the intricate, perplexing, complex designs that could be easily created using the Spirograph stencils and a pen. It was amazing, and I wanted it. I can remember using the blo-pens, far more work to use than the advertisement suggested, and do recall battling my friends with Beyblades. While we didn’t have a Baby Wee-Wee, we did have one that could be fed (I just don’t recall anything coming out the other end). But I don’t ever remember using a Spirograph, either at home or at a friend’s, despite always wanting to use one every time I saw the ad. I don’t know if I ever even asked for it - maybe I thought something that creates such elaborate designs would be very expensive and unattainable - or maybe it ended up being one of a long list of toys I rattled on about, or perhaps something shinier was being advertised whenever the Christmas lists came around. So as far as I can recall, the Spirograph was never part of my childhood. Which meant that the Christmas gift I received from a friend this week, after we all shared our memories of the advertisements we watched as children and I shared my regret at never getting a Spirograph, was the one that made all my dreams come true. Not only did it include the Spirograph kit, but there was also a packet of sparkly gel pens, catapulting me right back to 1999. The joy of opening the kit and doing my first design, deceptively difficult as I trained my brain to focus on the movement of the inner ring and not the marks on the page, was unparalleled. It tapped into something deep inside me, and fulfilled a lifelong desire. The experience of Spirographing is also meditative, allowing you to get lost in the movement of the pen and the unexpected ways in which it moves around to create the maze-like, twisted designs that I feel so proud of by the end. As I fall into the rhythm of the Spirograph, the worries that surround me fade into the background with each stroke. I am fully present, me and my gel pens and nothing else. Spirographing has reminded me of the importance of connecting back to the inner child—that part of us we carry all the time, who can so often feel wounded or delighted in equal measure as we go about our life. It requires letting go of all other responsibilities for a time, just focusing in on the thing that brings us joy. In many ways, Spirographing brought me back to myself. The part of me that is connected with my true wants and desires but which I so often ignore as I get caught up in the ceaseless demands of everyday adult life. If we lose that connection, we lose a part of ourselves. So the next time you come across that toy you always wanted but never got as a child, I say go for it. It might just remind you of who you are.

  

• What to eat after crying on the subway

  Nov 09 ⎯ Why is it that people come to New York? Is it the pull of some kind of aesthetic life, the Brooklyn brownstone, sitting on the stoop, watching as leaves turn from green to orange and fall, dusting the avenue with crisp foilage crunching underfoot? (This was my reason for going, alone, in the summer of 2016, but did not in any way reflect my experience of living there for three lonely months - not least because it was summer, not autumn). Maybe it’s the idea of a more glamorous life, the high-flyer in the monochrome bar, hustling their way through the city as they rush down the sidewalk, sunglasses on, airpods in, iced latte in-hand? Is it for the convenience culture, being able to get whatever you want and get it right now, only ever one DoorDash or Amazon Prime order away, and look - here’s something else you didn’t know you needed? Is it to help your wallet feel a little lighter, your bank account less encumbured by the numbers that make up your balance? Or is it to marvel at the fact that, in a city of 8.48 million people, it is often when we are surrounded by others that we feel most alone? To build up your resilience against a backdrop of impassive faces and worn-out greetings (can I help you, ma’am?)? Perhaps it’s to make you long for the warmth of a genuine smile, so that you know to appreciate it the next time someone actually looks you in the eye and, without wanting anything from you, greets you ‘hello’. In any case, if you find yourself in New York and you’re having a bad morning and the coldness of the person on the other side of the coffee counter finally pushes you past your breaking point, rest assured that someone crying in the corner of a subway car won’t even make the list of the strangest things people will have seen that day. After crying on the subway, eat an everything bagel with scallion cream cheese. - P.S. - For the record: the people who sold me the bagel were very friendly.

  

• My first post

  Nov 08 ⎯ Step one - write something Step two - hit publish